Sunday 6 May 2018

Not even ambush..this was full PRObush and I love him so much it's gross.

Ben doesn't even wait until we're on the beach before he deploys his fears and I have to grab the railing with both hands so I don't wind up carried off on the tide of his words.

I want second place back. I don't want to be the third.

Who said you were second? 

Who demoted me to third, or maybe fourth when I was busy? 

No one, Benjamin. Maybe we just need more time together. 

I was trying to give you time with Loch. And that seems to translate into time with Caleb. And I don't know if I want to encourage that. 

You used to be fine with it. 

I was there. Now I'm nowhere. I feel like I'm running to catch up now. 

You're not a third wheel. You're not falling behind, Ben. I love you. 

Burning building?

Oh, don't even. It would be you. Lochlan would save you over me. You're the first person on our minds always. Especially when you hole up to work. You think I don't miss you? You think I like coming down and finding the light on and having to turn and go back upstairs because I can't come in and see you when you're working?

You keep calling Caleb your boyfriend. 

He's asked for that formality. 

Well, now I'm asking to be above that. So it's very clear to him and to everyone how this works. 

Well then what do we call you? 

Lovers? He grins. He suggested that when we first got together. He refused to be friends anymore, and wanted to be lovers so we cemented it at Nolan's cabin and we've been inseparable ever since.

Lovers. I grin back.

We should cement this with some serious fuckage, Bridge. 

We have a birthday dinner to go to, remember? 

Okay, after. 

After are the speeches. I can't miss them. I'm the birthday girl!

And then? 

After the speeches we will go to bed. 

What if Caleb wants to see you? Or Lochlan? 

Well, we can bring Lochlan but Caleb doesn't get to come. 

Okay. Maybe Loch could use some serious fuckage too. 

From you or from me?

Don't matter. 

Wow, Ben. 

What?

Now I'm wondering where I am in this hierarchy, because if it's third, I don't want to know.*

(Editing for clarity. Though, who needs clarity when ambiguity is such a wonderful thing? Ben's first love is music. So that would make me second or possibly third, if Lochlan is loved more. Which he might be. I picked the right two, I think.)