Saturday 28 May 2016

In which my army gets its instructions from an old book in a nightstand in every hotel across America.

I'm touched that she chose a life with me in your little exercise the other day. 

I'm listening inside the door as Caleb and Sam sit on the covered front porch in the rain.

She didn't. I asked her to visualize a life with you and tell me about it and the first thing she did is conjure up Lochlan, inserting him into it, pushing you into the background, and letting her emotions overwhelm her. No time had passed between them in spite of actual years going by. 

I know who's corner you're in, then. 

Bridget's. I'm in Bridget's corner. I want to help her heal from what you've done to her. 

I had a little fun with her. She's a big girl now. She can give as good as she's gotten at this point. 

I'm not going to split hairs with you on this today, Caleb. It's a beautiful day out. God's giving us rain to ease the fires you seem to stoke up around us and for the moment things are peaceful in her worried mind. Let's leave it at that and work together to make the second half of her life more tranquil than the first. 

It's not just me, Sam. 

I'm aware of that, Caleb. Will you help, is what I'm asking?

I'm doing everything I can here. 

That's a gift in itself. Take heart in your efforts and God will shine a light within you. 

I roll my eyes and walk back through the house. God won't be shining any lights on his forsaken son any time soon. Not sure why Sam chose now to pretend to encourage Caleb but Sam likes to keep the peace all the way around. He likes to feel useful. He likes to minister to us even as we buck and arch and spew pea soup all over him, our heads spinning three hundred and sixty degrees around in a comical display of gentle censure.

We wouldn't actually. We're very respectful toward Sam, just as we were toward Jake. Some of us more than others. Some of us are very spiritual. August, Andrew, Dalton. Maybe I used to be or maybe I tried to be because of Jake. He framed God in a way that made me question how I saw the world and not how I lived the bible. Very open to interpretation. Sam is a little tiny bit more literal and I resist ever so slightly more and he knows it. Sam is an aw-shucks God-fearing very old-fashioned kind of sweet baby preacher. I love him to pieces and I'd follow him off the cliff any day but when he yells IN LEVITICUS... and pauses I turn and start running away, I swear.