You’re out thereWhen I opened my eyes it was dark and cool. I could hear car horns and faint music. Caleb was sitting on the edge of the bed, still in his suit, tie loosened. He tucked my hair behind my ear and smiled. I sit up and rub my eyes, leaving slight black smudges underneath my lashes, finding it weird that I fell asleep so hard. I'm still wearing the stilettos he chose at one of the stores in the lobby.
I hear you calling from behind the star fields
I feel you radiating energy like eternal northern lights
Far from the the sun
Where no one knows
I’ve watched you from my telescope
Everything here is bigger, higher, brighter, louder, he told me. Pick out something that you can wear when we come here.
The strip is also costlier than any place else. The shoes cost close to two thousand dollars. I paled but he didn't even notice. That's four months rent. We came back upstairs so I could change and then he proclaimed me hot as hell. He would know. We went back to another floor, where a door was opened and there was another casino inside, but no signs on the door.
We were handed drinks from a tray and then Caleb turned to me. I have a quick game here. I nodded. I would watch, maybe. He said I am lucky. But he shook his head. I have a job for you. Take these, he handed me two chips. I want you to spend one and double the other. He kissed the side of my mouth and then walked away toward another room. I found a solitaire table and promptly lost three hundred and then I squeezed the other chip and hoped I was as lucky as he thinks I am.
But I wasn't and so I grew paler still. Another two months rent. I finished my drink and found an empty space at the bar. The bartender looked at me sympathetically and asked where I was from.
New York, I lied and emptied the rest of my glass.
***
I will travel the distance in your eyesWhen we first arrived at the hotel he took my hands and placed them against his chest, standing so very close I had to look way up under his chin until he looked down at me.
Interstellar light years from you
Supernova will fuse when we collide
Awaking in the light of all the stars aligned
I see you watching over me across the sky
Overcoming projected on my eyes eternally
I find you in the night
This is the only way you can visit your soul, Bridget. How does it feel?
His eyes were so blue they turned black and I didn't answer him because I didn't want to believe it was true. Maybe that's why I'm no longer afraid when I'm alone with him. Or maybe that's a myth too.
***
Far from the sunWhen Caleb found me I had declined a new drink many times over and the bartender had given up, spending his attentions on some flashier sugarbabies at the other end of the bar. The Devil kissed my cheek, apologizing for taking a while, asking how I did with my task. I showed him my empty hands and he laughed out loud and kissed them both.
Where no one knows
I’ve watched you from my telescope
I will travel the distance in your eyes
Interstellar light years from you
Supernova will fuse when we collide
Awaking in the light of the stars aligned
Well, what did you play?
Solitaire.
Not a lucrative table. Next time try Roulette. He scoops me off the stool and steers me toward the door. A guard hands him a cheque which he looks at briefly before putting it into his pocket. Once outside, my curiosity gets the better of me.
What did they pay you for?
Those are my winnings.
How much did you win?
Enough to bring us here many times a year and buy you many pairs of shoes. He kisses my cheek again and we go back to our suite.
***
I will find youI sit on the bed, shoes still on, trying to wake myself up. He takes off his jacket and tie, throwing them on a chair and then he comes back and sits in front of me. He leans in and kisses me hard but I push him away.
I will find you
(I will find you)
(I will find you)
(I will find you)
I will find you
I will find you
I lost all your money at that game. I can't pay it back.
You're not supposed to.
Then tell me what you want me to do.
He leaned me right back in his arms until he was lying above me and I was between his hands. What do I want you to do? Simple. When we travel you are to pretend you are my wife. Even when we're alone. There will be no second-guessing, no talking back, no arguments or power struggles. You act as though I am the choice you made. You act as if I am yours and I will provide for you and all you have to do is smile and not drop the act. Do you think you can manage that? It would be from when the car picks you up to when it brings you back.
No. Because it's a farce. I married Cole. My laugh ends in a sob. I'm so sleepy. I think he drugged my food.
He takes my wrists in one hand and wrestles them up above my head, twisting them against the pillow. The pain makes my knees go up involuntarily and I cry out.
Did you forget who I am? Because I'm not Cole. I won't hurt you and then come back with humble pie and roses. I'll hurt you and then come back and hurt you some more.
You wouldn't do that. I stare at him with inebriated hate in my eyes, softened only by the sleep I was taken out of.
Why wouldn't I?
Because I'm your wife. (I can't even hear myself concede in a whisper under the din of the capital of Second Chances).
He smiled and only tightened his hold. That's my good girl.