Tuesday 10 September 2013

Smashberries.

We might not starve. Schuyler's bringing Lochlan on as a partner. Schuyler executive-produces...things. Which means that he works for Caleb, mostly keeping an eye on his money. So I can't wait to see how this translates into Lochlan working for Caleb but I've been told to just wait and see.

Ben will be going back to work as a creative consultant for Batman but he won't be starting that role until after Christmas. For a lot of money. 

(Because Batman fixes things with money. Neat. I use super glue. Sometimes Hello Kitty duct tape.)

All of this was told fourth-hand to me by Daniel via Sam, who has thrown himself into playing peacemaker because it excuses him from planning his own wedding. I sort of knew about Schuyler's plans. Lochlan's weirdly good at people-things because he's a showman, an actor and Schuyler's been trying to convince him to come on board for years. Problem is Lochlan actually hates people now.

And Ben, I still don't fully comprehend what's happening with him. Was he even ready to come home? Was I ready for him to come home? Is Batman really going to take another crack at him so soon? Wait, you think it's my fault Ben can't stay on the wagon?

I'll have you know he had problems long before he met me.

Otherwise we're doing really well today. We grocery shopped together this morning, which was fun, the most fun part being where he carries all the bags at once into the kitchen and I don't have to carry any. Usually I make fifteen or nineteen trips and bitch very loudly to anyone within earshot for not helping faster.

Then we went out for a coffee for lunch before his next meeting. I swear he's been to eleventy-four billion meetings since he came home. But he actually reached across the filthy little table in the cafe and held my hand. He squeezed it. He said to ignore the weirdness, that he will level out. I finally found some bravery laced in my caffeine and asked him about the bible-thumping.

What do you want to know?

Are you recruiting? Do I have to-

No, it's just something that works for me right now. 

Is it going to work forever or fade after a fashion?

I'm not sure, Bridget. Why? Does it bother you?

Yes. 

Tell me why. 

It feels like you're taking a page from Jacob. It feels like that's his page and it's not for you to take. It also feels like you're going to become someone different and I liked who you were before. 

A mean introvert riddled with addiction issues. 

My Ben. My big tough crazy Benjamin. 

The only person it's not safe for you to be around. Well, aside from the Devil, I mean.

Most of the time it's okay. I lost this fight before I even picked it, I think.

No. It's never okay. I made a promise to you to not saddle you with my flaws. I promised to give you a stable happy life and I haven't delivered. 

So what happens now?

I work my ass off and deliver on my promises to you by getting and staying better. It's a day to day thing right now but I feel good. 

Because Jesus took the wheel?

No, because Jesus took the fucking bottle away. 

He snorted and laughed with his mouth open so I got a lovely view of pulverized blueberry muffin. So maybe a few changes would be good. I was hoping for better manners, anyway.