Tuesday 8 May 2012

On buttoning a sweater with shivering fingers, on holding on with trembling hands.

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life.
You know what I remember most? Not his eventual acquiescence to my plans, but the fact that I had Black on repeat that entire weekend and listening to it now is akin to someone ripping open my soul and pouring hot lava down the hole.

You're gonna what? Jesus Lord, you'll fucking freeze to death.


I won't stay in long. But I can't come here and not go in.

Sure you can. Bridget, we're going to come in the winter and the summer too. There will be so many chances.

Jacob stands on the tiny porch in jeans and a thin, worn sweater over a plain white t-shirt. His hair just reaches the neck of the sweater in the back and I can't take my eyes off it. The wool matches the dark underneath part of his hair, a soft pale caramel. His jeans are so worn they're white and the lines around his eyes speak to a stress that would later break him, only I didn't know and I mistook the burden he carried to be plain and simple concern.

I don't think you should go in, Bridget. He repeats himself with a challenge in his voice. Only I don't rise to it, I turn around and go inside.

Jake doesn't follow. He exits the porch and heads down the shore. A long walk, giving him that all important count to twenty-five to calm down because ten doesn't cut it.

By the time he returns, pale blue eyes peaceful, reflecting the sea, I am curled up in the corner of the big couch with a knit blanket over me, a cup of tea on the table by my elbow, another on the coffee table in front of me, waiting for him. He takes a grateful sip and then points out he doesn't want me to catch a cold. Then he says he worries the undertow will be too strong. Then he says Sometimes I don't think you fight her hard enough, meaning the sea. He then makes a comment about the weather turning ominous.

I am amused. Will you rate your concerns in order of importance, preacher?

What? No, princess. How about this? You're not allowed in.

Oh, see, now I have to go in just to defy you.

He glares at me while taking another sip of tea. Everything tastes better here, did you notice that?

I nod. Don't change the subject, Jake. If we don't come back ever, I want to submerge myself just once more.

Who said we won't come back? I bought this place for us. This can be safe harbour. A getaway from all of it and still be near everything you...WE..need.

I just have a feeling, that's all. This is it. One chance.

Then you go for your freezing swim and I'll have to work to prove you wrong.